My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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