I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
