i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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