guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
