my vag is so smooth its legendary
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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