I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Randomize
