just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
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