Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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