I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
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