we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
