the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I woke up with broken tostitos all over my bed and a snap chat of myself flipping off the camera.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize