I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
