she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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