You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
