i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I have fence marks all over my body
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
