so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
