Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
