I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
