This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize