You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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