woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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