the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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