Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
