Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
