Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
