My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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