you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
