I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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