At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
