He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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