Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Randomize
