Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
