I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Someone shattered a urinal.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
Randomize
