Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
