Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
