I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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