I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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