the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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