Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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