he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Be still, my beating vagina.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
