Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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