i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
