I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
