Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
