i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
