She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
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