Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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