# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
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