Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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