I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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