You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
