Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
