All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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