I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
being pregnant is like rehab
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
