i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We need to get me chipped asap
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
