I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
