I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
