dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
