Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
