I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
