between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
Randomize